Rules

A circular was found in one of the office notice
boards

Dear STAFF ,
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and
regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our
firm.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

TRANSPORTATION:
It is advised that you come to work driving a car
according to your salary.
a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are
doing well financially and therefore you do not need a
raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public
transportation, we assume you must have lots of
savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you
need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

ANNUAL LEAVE :
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year
(Wow! said 1 employee).
- They are called SUNDAYs.

LUNCH BREAK :
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they
need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get
a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a
diet pill.

SICK DAYS :
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as
proof of sickness.
- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to
come to work.

TOILET USE :
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the
cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound,
the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open
and a picture will be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be
posted on the company bulletin board under the
"Chronic Offenders" category.
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public
auctions to raise money to pay your salary.

SURGERY :
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your
organs.
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired
you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of
employment.

INTERNET USAGE:
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and
charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and
if we decide not to give you any, charges
will be deducted from your salary.
- Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20
per minute as we have 4MB connection.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be
entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their
Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,
complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation,
consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Best regards,
HRD